Advice for desperate loved ones of addicts

SANCA Vaal Triangle received many phone calls from desperate parents after the article: “Parents can now have addicted kids arrested for treatment” placed in  the Vaalweekblad (Media24). We have once again learned how much families are burdened, traumatised and suffering because of substance abuse or addiction of a family member. The director was wrongly quoted in that article stating that parents can have their children arrested for drug use. People cannot be arrested for drug use alone, but surely for criminal activities because of their substance use. Addiction is a disease (similar to diabetes or high blood pressure) and people cannot be arrested because they are suffering a disease. They can only be arrested due to illegal activities that result from their substance abuse, e.g. theft or possession of drugs. There are other steps that can be taken before laying charges against your addicted loved one.

In case of an addiction problem, loved ones need to learn as much as possible about addiction and how to deal effectively with addiction of a loved one. According to Dr R. Eberlein addiction is a chronic, relapsing, out-of-control & significantly harmful (to more than the individual) reward-seeking behaviour (or illness) for which there is no cure other than ABSTENTION. No one intends to become addicted. Children and youth up to ±25 years, that are abusing alcohol and drugs, are more at risk to become addicted and develop a mental disorder because of their substance abuse.
In case the addicted person doesn’t want help, the family have to seek help for themselves to learn more about addiction and how to address the problem effectively. Book a counselling session with an addiction therapist or psychologist or join a support group for family members. Support groups empower traumatised loved ones to understand addiction and to set healthy boundaries for the addicted person.

Do not stop loving the person with the addiction instead blame the misuse of alcohol and drugs and the disease addiction. Encourage and support him/her to get professional treatment. Start to practise tough love to bring them to a point where they discover that they need help. Tough love allows the addicted person to experience the consequences of his using behaviour. The opposite of tough love is enabling the addicted person consciously or unconsciously to continue using. One of our patients testified that his mother’s firm tough love-approach saved his life. Firstly identify your own enabling behaviour e.g. to: bail them out, lend them money, pay their bills, allow them handle any money, lie on their behalf, be a crutch and protect to them against the consequences of their behaviour. Addicted persons will manipulate, lie, playing victim and even become aggressive in order to feed their addiction. Don’t fall for it.

If your safety and security or any of your property is at risk, you have to take immediate action & seek help. This may even include laying a criminal charge against them or getting an protection order. Don’t set rules and consequences that you will not be able to manage.

The court refers normally first time offenders (substance abuse related) for a diversion program to accredited centres. A diversion program is preventative and educates people on the harmful effects of drugs or alcohol and a healthy lifestyle. If the person is then assessed with an addiction problem, he will be recommended for treatment. The court can also refer an offender with addiction to a rehabilitation center.

It is always best that a person is motivated and willing to go for treatment. If a person refuses treatment, and the steps taken by loved ones are not reaping fruit, the person can be committed with a court order for treatment. The law does make provision for involuntary admission to a rehabilitation center when the person is a danger to him/herself or to the immediate environment, or in any other manner does harm to his/her own welfare or the welfare of his/her family and others; or commits a criminal act to sustain his/her dependence on substances. A sworn statement has to be submitted to a public prosecutor by a social worker, community leader or person associated with such a person.
Addiction is preventable and treatable.

SANCA Vaal Triangle is affiliated with South African National Council on Alcohol & Drug Dependence.

Visit SANCA Vaal Triangle at www.sancavaal.showme.co.za for more information