Stress less in a stressful environment
Stressed out? Join millions who feel the same way….
Research bears out the fact that stress, and subsequently depression, comes about when a person feels out of control of his/her life. Dr K Nedd and Eric Barker sum up a few pointers that are WITHIN your control to change.
Robert Biswas-Diener is known as the “Indiana Jones” of psychology. He’s spent time studying happiness in India, Greenland, Spain, and Israel. He’s hung out with the Amish and the Masai of Kenya to see what produces smiles everywhere. His quotes appear throughout.
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DECIDE TO BE HAPPY
It sounds somewhat silly and self-talk mumbo-jumbo to hear that a conscious, willful decision to be happy can make a difference; but it really does. Focus your attention on EXACTLY (not vaguely) what makes you happy. Then aim for those and interpret the facts in such a way that you focus on the positive. This needs only your self-discipline! Remember: stress is not the situation; it is your response to it!
We all know people who can take the exact same piece of news and think it’s bad or good. A lot of what goes on in our individual worlds is subject to interpretation. Is a promotion an opportunity to feel anxious or is it an exciting new time where I get to feel empowered? That’s all the interpretation.
Go back to frequent happy memories. They become your safe places and harbours of grace. Remember actively the events that left you smiling and banish the negative (Yes, again by exercising self-discipline).
2. USE YOUR STRENGTHS
By this time you know what is important to you – invest in those. Invest in time with positive people and events; if you are into art or sports – do those.
The psychologically wealthy are characterized by the ability to see what is good in the world, but nevertheless to be grounded in reality. They are involved in activities they believe are meaningful and important, and they have found activities in which they can use their strengths.
3. HAVE A CALLING
Find a goal higher than yourself and whether you are having a good day or not. You do not have to change a job to feel that but you DO need to interpret your job in such a way that you feel that what you are doing contributes to the improvement and well-being of others.
4. HAPPINESS IS A PROCESS – NOT A PLACE
Nobody on the face of this earth is always happy and stress-free – NOBODY! Most days are average and it’s up to you to pursue the process by taking time out every day for perfect contentment; even if it’s just sitting in the sun, enjoying a quiet cuppa. Focus on the warmth, the sounds of birds, the aroma and taste of what you are enjoying.
Barker quips:
Research shows that religious services and exercising both bring people a disproportionate amount of happiness. Why? Churches and gyms don’t have a lot in common (though both have made me sweat on occasion.)
The reason is they both give us frequent, regular boosts. So stop trying to get that one magic brass ring. It doesn’t exist. Scheduling frequent little things that make you happy is the real solution.
5. BALANCE PLEASURE AND MEANING
Focus on the moment – the joy of the moment but also the long-term benefits. That may well explain why the gym and the church both bring joy! Reading, crafts, exercise and even the old telly may contribute in the long run to more knowledge, more insight or just floating for the moment! (not too much flowing though, or you will end up feeling empty). Joining voluntary organisations where you can show empathy and compassion does much to raise feelings of well-being. Your mere silent present may comfort many in need.
6. FOCUS ON RELATIONSHIPS
There’s basically no culture in the world where relationships aren’t vital to our sense of well-being. To the extent that people feel that they are making some substantive contribution to their family, some substantive contribution to their workplace or to their community, they tend to feel that sense of meaning, and that sense of meaning is important for most people.
Do not (NOT) compare your life to others. What others have may not be what you think they have – not in wealth, health or happiness.
Then, what about those close relationships that are at the root of stress or distress? Minimise those you can; weigh up those you cannot avoid and write down the pro’s and con’s. Then do all you can to improve them, and it that is no longer worth the effort – leave.
We know that relationships buffer us against hard times, and also promote good times, and pleasantries become better when we share them with others. Taking the time to invest in others and invest in your relationships, whether that’s more time with your friends or more time with your kids or what have you; I think that’s the biggest bang for your buck.
Take out your diary and calender and make a recurring appointment for something that you enjoy. Look forward to it!
7. OXYGENATE!
You can breathe deeply and evenly anywhere, everywhere. Do so and you will find your heart rate slowing and your blood pressure dropping. Yes, there was something in your mother’s advice to count to ten!
8. SELF-ESTEEM
You are worthy of happiness – yes, you are. There is a well-described body of research that puts the lack of self-esteem at the heart of many destructive behaviours such as isolation, gossiping, and even over-the-top attention seeking. The Christian faith has an answer for that: In Christ’s identity you are so loved that He wishes to spend all His time with you. Psychologists urge people to write down your strengths and weaknesses in honesty and balance the sheet – there are ALWAYS people whose lives you influenced positively. If you cannot get to a feeling of deep self-worth on your own, seek expert help (from friends, church members of professionals).
9. RELAX ALL MUSCLES NOT IN USE
Differential relaxation means that you focus on relaxing all muscles not in use. Focus on your neck, back, legs,feet or hands and consciously relax them. This also preserves energy and leaves your without nagging stress spasms.
10. DON’T FIGHT
The bravest general is not the one who wins all battles, but the one who knows how to retreat from the battle he cannot win!
Take time out and walk away from the quarrelsome colleague, spouse or child and if you DO have to expend the energy for conflict, focus on the solution to a problem and not the problem (which is more often than not over well-described!)
11. PRIORITISE
Work no more than 90 minutes before you re-energise by doing something you enjoy. Tell a joke, find out how your colleagues are doing or have a cuppa. Value your own time and sharpen the axe before grinding away. Surround yourself with those people you admire and emulate.
Take time to face your worst fears and what lies at the heart of the em. Is the diagnosis of a life-threatening disease really the end or is losing your job a death sentence for your dreams? Perhaps just the opposite.
Put your own growth and health first.
12. FORGIVE
All people need to forgive someone for something. This is a service to your own well-being as bitterness permeates every aspect of health and happiness. It is suggested that one sits down and calmly explains the situation (to God or the wall) as one would to a therapist. Then, make a conscious decision to let it go and when the intrusive thoughts pop up again, remind yourself that the parcel has been laid down.
In summary, it seems that we can only control ourselves and the investment of self-discipline in our own well-being is worth it.