End the Stigma: Living with high functioning depression
maggie georgopoulos
BBC – Last night I was on a call with an amazing woman I met at a speaking event recently. We had connected over the one minute I had on stage to convince the audience that they should listen to me about mental health. Some of the things I had said to her had really connected.
As a part of my talks I bring up the point that I have been highly successful and very few people have been aware of the fact, until recently that is, that I suffer from a life-time mental health disorder. I have learnt to manage it very well. It is interesting though, when we look at all the information out there, most of it deals with either disorders like I have or chronic depression and anxiety which have rendered the person who has it non-functioning for long periods of time.
What about those that have a long-term or even life-time battle with depression but have been able to function in a way that is consider normal within society?
I am going to use this article and the next one to explore high functioning depression and high functioning anxiety.
Slipping on the mask
Earlier in this series I spoke about depression in general and what it can look like. High functioning depression can differ in that on the surface at least the person who has this disorder seems to be functioning normally. They get up every morning, go to work, come home and often have well functioning family and social lives.
It is a little like slipping on a mask before you head out the door.
What makes it harder is that when people start talking about their individual journeys with depression and these people cannot quite relate to what they are talking about. They hear the stories about not being able to get out of bed in the morning, or struggling to get dressed to go out or breaking down in the office and they cannot relate.
This will often lead to these people not seeking out help because they don’t feel like they deserve it.
What it is really like behind the mask
Someone who has high functioning depression will get up in the morning when the alarm goes off. They will have no joy in getting out of bed, it will be something that needs to be done, just like breathing. They will more often than not be highly dis-satisfied with their work. Once again they will come in everyday and not just do their job, many will actually rise up the ranks into higher management positions, much of this will come from the drive inside that says:
I am not good enough, I can do better than this
even when they are performing really well. As a consequence they are often driven to work harder and deliver at a higher level and as such will end up gaining promotions, sometimes sought – because that is what you do – and at other times just given.
They will head to a networking event and be able to hold conversations, appearing to have no problems chatting with others, although a small clue might be that they may talk just a tiny bit too much.
When they get home, if they have a family or a relationship it will continue as if all is ok, to a level. They will make sure that everything that needs to be done, is done. The little signs might come in the battle with their weight (from over eating or comfort eating), or the occasional sarky comment that seems out of place.
Those of us on the outside will put it down to stress or just being out of sorts.
The worst part of it is that there will be hundreds of tiny shouts for help a day and most of us will miss them. We will miss them because we can explain them off with day to day excuses. The unexpected snappiness in a reply as being stressed, the battle with their weight as lack of will power, in some cases (not all) the need for a drink each day as just a way to relax, and so on…
Someone with high functioning depression will think things like:
“I am not good enough”
“I never do things right”
“I don’t really have the energy for this”
“No one could love someone like me”
What does it look like to the outside world?
If you were to interview the friends, family and co-workers of someone with high-functioning depression, they might actually describe such a person very differently:
“She always gets her work done.”
“She has a good attitude about her work.”
“She is very willing to help out.”
“She was always at the top of her class.”
“I’m sure she’ll get another promotion by the end of the year.”
Because people with high-functioning depression do not experiences disruptions in life from mental illness, the people who surround them tend not to realise that they are suffering inside.
This is where it get dangerous. If someone with high functioning depression was to try to tell you they were depressed, you could probably come up with so many reasons as to why you don’t believe they can be. They are successful, will have successful relationships and will be involved in many things outside the home. The problem is that they will have a constant feeling of something not being quite right, of not being able to enjoy things.
This is where the danger lies.
This is where we end up with the suicide that no-one expected.
This is why it is important to understand and be open to conversations. It is important not to brush it off with you can’t really be depressed type comment.
Signs to look for in someone who has high functioning depression
As with all mental health conditions the signs people exhibit can vary quite widely. There are some key things that you can keep an eye out for:
- Have less energy that you would expect :they will often find it difficult to muster the energy that they need to get through the day but as indicated by the term “high-functioning,” they will usually push through to accomplish what needs to get done, but the effort rarely comes easy. Energy-wise, for the individual struggling with persistent depressive disorder can feel like trying to run in sand. Even when they summons what ample energy and focus to complete a task, achieving the objective can be feel like it is more difficult than it should be.
- Constant self-doubt: No matter what they accomplish will more often than not doubt their talents, skills, and capabilities. No matter how hard they work, they will rarely if ever be satisfied by either their effort or their results. Even when they are recognised, rewarded, and/or complimented by others they can be turned into a negative, as the depression may cause the individual to believe that he or she is being living a lie by accepting what is obviously “misguided” praise.
- Have trouble experiencing real joy: Often for people who suffer from high functioning depressive disorder will experience a small burst of happiness for an achievement or new job but it will be muted or even at times an act of sorts that meets the expectations of the audience. Behind closed doors there is little joy.
- An addition of obsession with something: They may have something they are obsessed with or an addiction of sorts. The most obvious is alcohol, but this is not always the case. It can be cravings for ‘comfort foods’ that just cannot be over come, an obsession with a particular online game, or sport. This is generally the outlet into which the feeling of inadequacy due to the depression are channeled.
Remember, that just because someone has one or all these things it doesn’t automatically make them depressed and high functioning, not does it mean that they are not is they only experience one of these things, or it is totally different for them. The best way to know is to be really open to talking about it. To be there for the person who has opened up for you with out judgement. To be the support that is needed without putting your opinion in on how best to work with it.