To heal a broken heart
Text: Phila Tyekana. Photographer: Lebo Lukewarm. Article from the February 2012 issue of Bona Magazine.
Actress Thuli Thabethe opens up about how she recovered from a highly publicised break-up with TV and radio personality Tbo Touch.
She’s hot!” “Nah, she’s ok,” “She’s that girl from City Ses’la who’s engaged to Tbo Touch, right?” “She’s gorgeous, Tbo Touch you’re the man!” “Didn’t she break up with Touch?”
These are just some of the Facebook comments that erupted on our wall after we posted a status asking friends what they thought of our cover girl Thuli Thabethe. Our two cents? Yes, Thuli’s hot but no, she’s no longer with radio and TV presenter Thabo “Tbo Touch” Molefe. The couple broke off their publicised engagement in December 2010 after having dated for six years.
“Ngiyingakara manje (I’m a superwoman now), but not so long ago I was dying of a broken heart,” confesses Thuli. “I felt like a failure because I couldn’t keep my relationship going. When a relationship doesn’t work, women often blame themselves. We end up asking ourselves how we could’ve made it better or what we could’ve done differently to make it work.”
It was in January last year when Thabo and Thuli decided they’d both move out of the home they shared in Bedfordview, east of Joburg, and start afresh in separate apartments.
“I remember getting the last load of my things and paying the guy who helped me move. I’d put Ruri to sleep and reality hit me right there and then. I thought to myself: Is this really me; single and doing it all by myself? A minute ago I thought I would be a wife and living happily ever after in matrimony. I honestly never thought I’d be that girl whose relationship didn’t work out and had to move out other home to be a single mother; starting from scratch and building her life again.”
Clapping her hands to express her surprise about the relationship ending. Thuli adds: “But life happens and it happened to me. I felt so humiliated during that time. I’d only go out either to do groceries or to the gym. I felt like I had a huge sign on my forehead that read ‘I’ve been dumped’. I was hurting badly, especially since there had been a big fuss over my engagement.”
In 2008 Touch proposed to Thuli with a ring worth over R70 000 and when their son was born, Touch announced that American rapper Akon was asked to be little Ruri’s godfather.
“I was humiliated, depressed and disappointed. I’d drop Ruri off at school and think to myself that everyone was saying: ‘Ruri’s mom and dad broke up. She got dumped after the big hoo-ha over her engagement in the papers.’ I was convinced they had read the tabloids and knew it was me with my tail between my legs now.
“You have to understand that this person was my man for six years and all of a sudden I was forced to view him as just Ruri’s S father. It was weird speaking to Thabo over the phone at first, there was no ‘I love you babe’ at the end of the conversation. That really hurt.”
Regardless of how much pain we experience in life, there’s a time when the pity-party has to stop and life must continue. That’s exactly what Thuli did. She cried her eyes dry and realised she had to move on. There were bills to pay and she had to pull herself together, not only for herself but for little Ruri too.
After a dry spell in her career, she met with her agent to discuss a way forward for her acting – which has seen her play roles in Isidingo, Hardcopy, Mthunzini.com, Tshisa, Zone 14 and most notably City Ses’la. While her career had previously seemed sturdy, itjsuddenly came to a halt in the first quarter of 2011.
! “That was my foundation period. God told me: ‘You’re not doing anything with your career Thuli; this time is for you to heal.’ So I listened and took the time to find myself. I stopped crying, wiped the tears off my face and went online to find a school where I could study.
Brand Communication. I applied to Vega and they accepted me. It’s also during that time that I started getting voice-over work. From then on, major brand ambassador deals began to trickle into my life.”
We’re at Tasha’s in Bedfordview for a late breakfast when we meet Thuli: little Ruri has tagged along too with all of his toys. “I’m proud of being a mom.
It’s something I truly love and I am great at it. I’m not supermom but I’m the best mom I can be,” says Thuli, beaming with pride.
So how did such a seemingly happy family break-up? Did wedding bells scare them? Was cheating involved? “I don’t want to say too much about that. I don’t want to discredit Thabo, our families and myself for that matter. There’s no beef with Thabo, we’re still a part of each other’s lives. He’s also a part of Ruri’s life and because of that, he’s a part of my life too. I respect him and I’m proud of the success he’s achieving in his life right now with Flash, The Touch Down on Metro FM and other business ventures he’s getting into.
“People need to know that I knew this person before he was Tbo Touch, and he knew me when I was just Thuli. We shared each other’s firsts: first auditions and first tastes of success. So to go into the nitty-gritty of our relationship and why it ended would be disrespectful.”
When we ask the energetic actress whether marriage was something she was ready for, her response is blunt: “No, I still had a lot more growing to do. There was plenty of my own independence I had to explore.”
Time, it seems, really is a healer. “When Thabo and I ended, I thought getting over him and our relationship would take a few months but it took longer. There’s not a moment I can say that on this specific date I got over the break-up. Getting over it is a process I’m still going through,” says Thuli recapping on last year and the emotions it came with.
“2011 was all about healing and moving on with my life.” She’s gone through the mourning and as 2012 kicks off, she promises to be Thuli on steroids!’ instead of ‘Touch’s ex- girlfriend’.
She’s branded the New Year as one in which to do more; more being a great mom, loving herself more and plenty more success in her personal and work life. Thuli has already made a remarkable change to her life, she’s enrolled at Vega to study a course in Brand Communications, she’s also doing a six month course with the National Film and Video Foundation and she’s signed to Voice Bank, which means her voice can be heard on a number of adverts on our screens.
As if that weren’t enough, Thuli has also been appointed as the new face of a European clothing label which launches in the country this March. Pabala Beauty House has also signed her on to spruce up her hair for red carpet events and media appearances.
With all these powerful career tools in the bag, endorsement deals and the happiness she gets from being Ruri’s mother, the beautiful actress has come a long way from being broken-hearted.
As time assists her healing process and she gains more confidence, it’s not hard to see the ‘Thuli On Steroids’ plan come to life in front of our very eyes.
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