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Kick The Habit – Get Rid of Your Child’s Strange Behaviour
Young children can develop the strangest habits, often leaving parents at a loss, if not a little embarrassed! So what’s a mom or dad to do?
What seems to be normal behaviour to a pre-schooler often seems like very odd behaviour to a parent. Some of these habits are considered ‘self-soothing’ and are often associated with boredom, loneliness or some other form of stress. Bad habits are also often merely a coping strategy if a preschooler can’t handle a certain situation.
Many of these habits will disappear after the preschool years, but your child may fall back on some of them when she feels stressed, bored, tired, frustrated, unhappy or insecure. It is important to first understand why your child is engaging in these weird behaviours before you attempt to change them.
Head Banging
Up to 20% of healthy children indulge in head banging for a time.
Why do children bang their heads?
Educational psychologist, Karin Trollip, from the Bella Vida Centre in Johannesburg, says children bang their heads for various reasons. Children may find the rhythmic movements of head banging soothing when they feel over-stimulated or are in an overwhelming environment.
They might have discovered at some point that rocking or rhythmic sensations are calming and can help them go to sleep. Alternatively, they may also do it in an attempt to bring pleasure or stimulate themselves (especially those that are bored, lonely, deaf or blind). Physical discomfort, aches and pains, as well as illness, can also bring on head banging.
“Head banging may occur in combination with temper tantrums as a child’s way to try and relieve stress,” explains Trollip, adding that “head banging, head rolling and body rocking are far more common in autistic children, children with developmental delays and children who have suffered abuse or neglect.”
What to do about head banging
Trollip says that head banging is a very effective attention-seeking manoeuvre on the part of the child. The more reaction children get from parents or other adults, the more likely they are to continue this habit.
The best thing to do is consult a paediatrician to verify your child’s physical status, while a child psychologist can assist with the emotional component of the behaviour. “Play therapy is a wonderful way to help a child release stress and cope better, while parents need to be empowered with strategies to set appropriate limits,” explains Trollip.
Nail Biting
Many people see nail biting as a nervous habit, but anxiety is only one of the reasons why children do this.
Why do children bite their nails?
Trollip says nail biting is quite common among children. They may do it because their nails are uneven, broken or chipped; because they are bored, curious, worried and trying to relieve stress; or simply as a way to pass the time. “Tension and anxiety can also be a cause for nail biting,” explains Trollip, “as a child can pick up on tension in the home – if there are financial problems, for example, or if Mom and Dad argue all the time. Your child will sense if you are battling to cope and she may start biting her nails because she feels unsafe and scared.”
What to do about nail biting
According to Trollip, it won’t help if you scold your child and tell her not to bite her nails. You have to look at the underlying issues in your child’s life that may be causing the habit, and work from there.
More ways to curb nail biting
- Keep fingernails and cuticles groomed so there’s nothing tempting to bite.
- Try to pre-empt when nail biting will take place and provide substitutes to keep little fingers constructively busy.
- If the nail biting is caused by tension and uncertainty, it is important for parents to give attention to it. Make sure your child feels safe and loved.
- Try not to make a big issue out of it when your child bites her nails, as this may only serve to reinforce the behaviour. A golden rule is to ignore negative behaviour and reward positive behaviour.
- Rather use distraction or replacement as strategies to prevent nail biting.
Hair Pulling
The medical term for hair pulling is ‘trichotillomania’ and those affected pull out the hair from their scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes or other parts of the body, resulting in noticeable bald patches. This behaviour is not very common and often only begins later in childhood (ages 9 – 13), although babies as young as a year old can do it too.
Why do children pull their own hair?
Trollip explains that children may pull out their own hair be cause of an impulse control disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder or stereotypic movement disorder. “Hair pulling is often associated with feelings of uncertainty, low self-esteem and fear of socialising with peers,” she says. “Girls do it more often than boys, and there may be a family history or genetic predisposition to developing this kind of behaviour.”
What to do about hair pulling
If your child has bald patches as a result of pulling out her own hair, it would be wise to take her to see a child psychologist as there is clearly an underlying problem.
More ways to curb hair pulling …
- Tell your child in a friendly and gentle way that pulling out her hair is damaging and that her hair is pretty. Encourage her to let her hair grow.
- If your child’s hair pulling is stress-related, teach her substitute ways of dealing with her stress, such as counting to 10 or punching a pillow.
- If you see your child reaching for her hair, try to dis tract her with an activity or game – anything that will keep her hands busy.
Thumb Sucking
Thumb sucking is a normal habit for babies, but this natural urge usually decreases after 6 months. Thumb sucking should stop by 5 years old to prevent dental problems.
Why do children suck their thumbs?
Babies and young toddlers do this to comfort themselves when they are afraid, restless, sleepy, bored or hungry. But preschoolers who continue to suck their thumbs are usually anxious, stressed, hurt or sleepy. It helps to calm, comfort and soothe them, lull them to sleep, or to provide a sense of security.
“Thumb sucking can also be a form of emotional regression if a child didn’t suck his thumb before,” Trollip adds. “It can be an indicator that the child is unhappy and longing for a time when he was younger and felt safer.”
What to do about thumb sucking
Obviously all parents would like their children to stop thumb sucking once they have been weaned off the dummy. “If a child still sucks his thumb at 5 or 6 years old, it’s a clear sign that he feels unhappy and unsafe,” explains Trollip.
Parents should try and stop their child from sucking their thumbs by making them feel safe and loved. “Children can feel if something is wrong between you and your partner, and you can’t cope with the stress,” explains Trollip. “Feelings of uncertainty often lead to habits like thumb sucking. If you can’t relieve the stress for your child, it’s time to see a psychologist,” she advises.
More ways to curb thumb sucking…
- Keep hands busy with puzzles or games, and limit the activities that your child associates with sucking.
- Remove his thumb from his mouth while sleeping. Do not force him to comply and be patient.
- Resolve emotional issues and insecurities before attempting to stop thumb sucking.
- Try to limit exposure to uncertainty and provide other forms of comfort.
- Do not shame or punish your child, as this will lower his self-esteem.
Nose Picking
Try not to nag, scold or punish your child when he picks his nose. Pressurising him to stop can make the problem worse.
Nose picking can be quite embarrassing for parents because it isn’t socially acceptable. But, according to Trollip, nose picking is a common habit among most young children.
Why do children pick their noses?
They may start picking because they have allergies or a cold, or because the air is dry or polluted – basically, in reaction to any irritation that affects their nasal passages. This might then develop into an explorative adventure or a way to pass the time. When they get a response from others – albeit negative – the nose picking may be reinforced.
What to do about nose picking
“The best thing parents can do about nose picking is to improve the physical discomfort at the root of the problem; teach a child to blow his nose to clean it and get rid of the uncomfortable feeling up there, and then to keep his fingers otherwise occupied,” says Trollip.
More ways to curb nose picking …
- If your preschooler is picking his nose, tell him in a gentle way that you see his little nose is not comfortable and help him to blow it.
- If the picking continues, distract or divert his attention by giving him something to keep his fingers busy.
- Try not to nag, scold or punish your child when he picks his nose. Pressurising him to stop can make the problem worse.
- Try and anticipate when your child will be likely to pick his nose and divert his attention away from the behaviour you’d like to stop and try to focus it on something else, like playing with finger puppets.
Masturbation
Children discover their bodies during the first years of their life, so it is only normal for them to explore the different parts. “Most young boys like to touch their private parts as they discover that it feels good when they do so,” explains Trollip. “Girls touch their private parts less, simply because they have less to touch.”
Why do children masturbate?
Trollip says children sometimes masturbate as a result of prolonged boredom. For example, they will sit in front of the television for hours and eventually get bored. This is the point where their little hands move down to their pants and they start playing with their private parts.
Masturbation can also be due to a lack of adequate intellectual stimulation. A child may also masturbate if he is emotionally neglected. He will masturbate to make himself feel better by stimulating himself. If this behaviour is left for too long, masturbation can become addictive. Sexually abused children often masturbate as well.
What to do about masturbation
The first thing parents need to do is make sure their child’s masturbation is not linked to sexual abuse. If that is the problem, it is vital that the child sees a psychologist.
If there is no serious reason why your child is masturbating, all you can do is simply remind him that his private parts are private and that it is not appropriate to touch those parts in public. Once again, it is extremely important that you don’t scold your child if he touches his private parts in public, as it can worsen the problem. Simply tell him in a gentle way that it is not appropriate to touch himself like that in front of other people.
Teeth Grinding
The medical term for teeth grinding is ‘bruxism’ and it is quite a common night-time habit. Trollip says psychological factors like anxiety and stress can contribute to teeth grinding. “There may be something in the child’s life or environment that is causing him to become anxious. The key is to try and find out what that is,” she explains.
In most cases, teeth grinding is not harmful and it is very likely that a child will outgrow the habit be fore adolescence. If your child is grinding his teeth because he is tense, it would be wise to take him to a child psychologist for play therapy to help release the tension.
Decrease stress before bedtime with massage and stretching exercises to relax muscles, and have your child drink lots of water. Make an appointment with your dentist to evaluate the situation as well.
Resources
- Bella Vida Centre – call 011 463 4438 for more information about their workshops and talks, aimed at empowering parents
- www.med.umich.edu
- www.merck.com
- www.babycenter.com
- www.drgreene.com/21_557.html
- http://users.forthnet.gr/ath/abyss/depl409.htm
- http://children.webmd.com/tc/thumb-sucking-topic-overview
- www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,6247,00.html
Written by Xanet Van Vuuren, Taken from the January 2010 edition of Living and Loving.
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