From terrible twos to terrific twos

Compiled by: Monique Hurlin. Photography: Gallo Images / Getty Images. Article from the January 2012 issue of Living and Loving Magazine.

We asked moms for some of their favourite tricks and strategies for dealing with toddler trouble and tantrums.

“I’ll give Ethan two options of clothing in the morning, and he can choose one. This works well in avoiding tantrums, and improves his confidence in his decision-making abilities.”

If you’re a mom to a toddler, you’ve probably experienced first-hand how your darling little angel can become a screaming monster-child in the space of 0.2 seconds – probably in the veggie aisle at your local supermarket!

On the one hand, toddlers are just wobbling bundles of cuteness, exploring their world and saying the most adorable things.

On the other, mere mention of the word “toddler” can evoke images of tantrums, tears, stubbornness and just plain drama!

When it comes to toddlers, sometimes one needs to get a little creative, and who better to ask for some sneaky tricks than the women with the most experience in dealing with them … moms!

“My three-year-old son can be quite a fussy eater at times, especially at dinner when I want him to eat greens and proteins.

To avoid a chaotic supper hour, I’ve learnt to keep his daily TV time for the evenings, as he adores watching his favourite DVD. If he won’t eat, I tell him I’m going to switch the TV off unless he eats his dinner. He starts eating immediately, the TV stays on, and I get my way! No tantrums and everyone wins.” Candace Steyn, mom to Jordan (three)

“Counting works for me, and I always try to follow through with what I say. When my angel/monster is being naughty, I say firmly ‘I’m counting to three; if you’re not here on the count of three, I’m going to put you on the naughty chair.’

She does try to push boundaries, but I always follow through with my warning. So now, if she misbehaves, I just start counting and she listens.” Lee-Ann Pillay, mom to Cayleigh (three) and Atyssa (four months)

“Sibling rivalry is enough to make any mom batty! The best thing to do is to take the culprits to the most boring room in the house, switch off any televisions and remove all distractions. Calmly inform them that they won’t be allowed out unless they apologise to each other and play nicety.

They’ll calm down pretty quickly, alliances will be formed, and the argument will soon be forgotten – not to mention your sanity restored! One of my sons, Moegammad-Shaheer, used to throw so many tantrums in the shops. Nothing seemed to work, and he always had to have the last word in an argument. Once, when he threw a tantrum in the shop, I did the same and threw my own tantrum! The look on his face was priceless … he didn’t know whether to laugh or be embarrassed! Now, if he throws a tantrum, I put him in the bathroom alone for five minutes. No matter where we go, there’s always a bathroom! Today, if he misbehaves, all I need to do is ask: ‘Do you want time out?’ and he stops his mischief.” Shameemah Salie, mom to Najmah (11 years), Moegammad-Yaseen (nine years), Moegammad-Taseen (seven), Moegammad-Shaheer (four) and Moegammad-Ta’ha (one)

“To get my daughter, Brooklyn, used to her big bed, I’d let her fall asleep in her cot and then transfer her into her bed while she was asleep. I’d make a huge fuss of her when she woke up, and she’d always be so proud of herself. Then, when I felt she was comfortable enough, I started putting her to sleep in her bed. Now, if she really won’t go to sleep by herself and wants me there, I jump in next to her, but turn my back on her and ignore the games she tries to play. Usually, she just wants someone close to her, and after some singing and pulling of my hair, she drifts off to sleep. Brooklyn hates wearing shoes, but I’ve found that if I let her pick a pair of my shoes for me to put on first, she’s more than happy to sit still and let me put her shoes on her. In fact, if I make a really big deal about her shoes, tying her hair in ponies and brushing her teeth, showing her how beautiful she looks in the mirror and getting everyone to tell her what a big girl she is, she’s quite chuffed and happy to strut her stuff for us without any problems!” Janine Lombard, mom to Brooklyn Sage (two)

“When my son Christo needed to take his first ever dose of medicine, my husband had a brilliant idea! He unscrewed the bottle, but left the cap on.

Christo then had to take the cap off, drink his medicine, and close the bottle again – all supervised, of course.

He was so anxious to get the cap back on, that he drank his medicine without any trouble.”  Jolanda Hechter, mom to Christo (22 months)

“We believe in praising our daughter Keira for her good actions. We clap our hands and say, ‘Well done Keira, you’re such a good girl’. Keira even says, ‘Good girl’. For us, this is one of the biggest motivators.

For example, she loves taking our washing out of the wash bin and putting it in the washing machine, and we always clap our hands and say in the happiest voice: ‘Oh, good girl. What a good girl Keira is!” Joreen Blackmore, mom to Keira Scout (18 months)

“Ever since my son turned two, we’ve had a “goodie jar” with a “goodie-jar-o’-meter” chart. Every day, we’d fill it with some of my little man’s favourite things: his dummy, little toy cars. Lego blocks, treats and soft toys. Whenever he misbehaved or did something he wasn’t supposed to, I would put a sad face on the jar-o’-meter chart, take something out of the jar, and he’d have to take a time out. Whatever was still left in the goodie jar would be his reward at the end of the day, so the better his behaviour, the greater his reward would be. I even used this method to wean him off his dummy. This worked so well that we’re still doing it, but on a weekly basis instead of a daily one!” Annelise Singh, mom to Tyson Reece (six)

“Toddlers love being able to have a choice, so I allow my son Ethan to make a few of his own decisions every day. For example, I’ll give him two options of clothing to wear in the morning, and he can choose one.

This works well in avoiding tantrums, and improves his confidence in his decision-making abilities. Also, on those extremely exhausting days when your child just doesn’t want to cooperate, take a step back and try to see things from his point of view ‘ Anne-Marie Kleynhans, mom to Ethan (18 months)

“Living with a toddler is both challenging and lots of fun! I think that when someone coined the phrase ‘terrible twos’, they weren’t kidding! Dealing with a temper tantrum, in my experience, hasn’t been that bad. I usually find it rears its ugly head either when my son Hayden is tired or hungry – or both!

My strategy is to let him watch a cartoon, usually with a light snack, like a biscuit. This way, he can get some alone time and I can have my cup of coffee in peace. However, when Hayden wants to jump up and down on my couch, it can be very taxing. So far, what works for me is to either distract him with something else, or if that doesn’t work, confiscate one of his favourite toys. It works every time. The best parenting advice I’ve ever read is that toddlers are like cavemen: they act and behave in a way that suits them without an understanding of what’s appropriate or right. I know all my strategies may not work in the long run, but these are the ones that work for me and my little caveman!” Rina Roztocil-Son, mom to Hayden (three)

“When my oldest was 19 months, I asked him if he wanted to sleep in the cot or the bed.

For three nights, he chose his bed but would then climb out of it, so I’d put him in the cot. On the third night, he stayed in his bed!

It wasn’t that easy with my second son – what works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for the others!” Jacky Mangnall, mom to Nicholas (five) and Daniel (two-and-a-half)

“I used to say ‘No’ in a serious tone whenever my son Yusuf was being naughty, but he would just laugh or say ‘No’ right back. Now, I look him in his eyes and say in a serious tone: ‘Yusuf, you’re making Mama cross.’ I then fold my arms and look away. I think he understands that I’m upset with him when I do this, because he tries the cutest and most adorable things to get my attention. I just keep looking away, avoid making eye contact, and don’t speak to him for about three minutes. Yusuf starts looking for other things to do because he isn’t getting any attention. His tantrums stop, he forgets what was irritating him, and is much calmer. When Yusuf throws tantrums in public, it can be very embarrassing. I usually carry small bouncing balls in my bag to distract him, and he’ll sit in the trolley and play with them quite happily. Or, I’ll show him things around the shop and teach him the names of items. When he repeats them, I’ll praise him by saying ‘Clever boy’ and hugging him or smiling at him. He thinks it’s a game!” Shazia Essop, mom to Yusuf Suliman (20 months)

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