Big money lessons for little people
Words: Georgina Guedes. Living and Loving Magazine September 2015.
Children learn from our behaviour long before they hear the lessons we teach them. Here’s how to show them the value of money, even if they don’t understand numbers yet.
When small children can’t count above three, it seems pointless to try to instil sound financial values in them. However, as toddlers, your children are already learning financial habits and it can be hard work to undo bad habits later on.
Many parents struggle to start teaching money management to their children at any age, and generally hope that it’s something that they’ll pick up along the way. “For some reason, money is seen as a taboo subject. Parents are far more comfortable speaking about ‘the birds and the bees’ than they are about money,” says Azhar Laher, author of Confessions of a Dad: My Kids Don’t Understand the Value of Money.
“We all learn about money through osmosis and never really understood the basics of budgeting. Parents are, therefore, challenged to teach their children about a subject they, themselves, know very little about.”
The power of’no’
While it’s difficult to teach your children abstract principles like budgeting, it’s important to send them messages about financial prudence through your actions. For example, it can be very easy to buy your toddler a packet of fruit or nuts to keep her happy when you go to the shops, but this easily turns into an expectation that she will get a treat every time you dash into your local supermarket.
“While younger kids don’t have a concept of actual money, it’s easy for them to develop a sense of entitlement,” says Ruth Ancer, a Johannesburg based educational and clinical psychologist in private practice.
“If they get a treat every time you go to the shops, you must accept that you are setting up a pattern that will be difficult and frustrating to unlearn later.”
As an extension of this, children need to hear the word ‘no’ occassionally. Even if the treat seems relatively small to you, even small concessions create the sense that every outing will result in some kind of treat or reward. “Saying ‘no’ makes a parent’s head hurt, especially when there are big, beautiful eyes and abundant tears involved. Oh the sting of a child’s voice shouting, ‘I don’t like you anymore!’ However, a simple resolute ‘no’ could be the best learning experience a child ever has,” says Azhar.
Ruth agrees: “Children have to learn that not all requests will be granted and that they can’t have what they want, whenever they want.”
Start early
Ruth advises setting limits so children understand when they will or won’t be getting a treat. However, they also need future opportunities to look forward to. As a starting point, she believes it’s important for parents to make a conscious choice to create an awareness of value and work.
“You should have a discussion with your co-parent, or other adults in your children’s lives, stating that you want to make them aware of value and conscientiousness, and think of ways that you can start doing this in their lives,” she says.
For example, if your child has a star chart, show them that 10 stars will buy them, for instance, a small pack of LEGO. However, they can buy a bigger pack if they wait until they have 20 stars. Look for opportunities to cement the value of money through size or amount of a purchases.
“Teach your child about finances organically,” says Azhar. “Along with some structured teaching, provide impromptu financial lessons when the opportunities arise. Unless you want your kids to hide whenever they see you coming, don’t bombard them with a new lesson every time you talk to them. Find ways to teach them life lessons without making them feel like they are in school.”
The big lessons
Ruth explains that although it’s important to teach your children the value of money, you should never share financial worries with them. “It’s important to have these kinds of discussions, but don’t create anxiety,” she says. “Children can know too much, and shouldn’t have to worry about adult problems.”
Of course, learning about money extends far beyond simply understanding the value of material possessions. At the same time as you are teaching them about affordability, you should also be giving them broader lessons about life. “Use money as a vehicle to teach values like generosity, modesty and patience,” Azhar says.
Ruth adds that learning about money is also an opportunity to teach children about those who are less fortunate than themselves, although she recommends only responding to queries when they are forthcoming. “Wait for them to see and ask, then explain that some people live differently and life is harder for others. It’s a delicate balance between stopping them from living in a bubble and worrying them.”
It is important as a parent to prepare yourself for the values you wish to instil. It’s never too early to start teaching them through your own actions and consistently delivering the simple messages you want to impart, even if it’s years before they fully grasp them.
The Art of creating money awareness
Azhar suggests these broad concepts for teaching your children about money:
•Teach them what you know to be right
Before you embark on the journey of teaching your kids about finances, make sure that you know what your own beliefs are. You can only be a good example if you believe what you are teaching.
• Live what you teach
When children see what you do, versus what you say, they have ‘aha!’ moments that they remember for a lifetime. Find opportunities to demonstrate financial lessons in everyday life.
•Dont be afraid to say ‘no’
A simple, resolute ‘no’ could be the best learning experience your child ever experiences.
• Don’t foster an entitlement mentality
More than ever, even the wealthiest of parents should teach their children to earn their keep and become independent through hard work.
•Teach your child that saving is fundamental
Kids have a hard time relating to the future, so you should explain to them why saving is important and request that they save a portion of any money they receive. If they start saving as kids, it will seem normal and natural for them to continue to save as adults.
• Teach modesty about wealth
Parents need to instil a sense of self-worth in their kids that extends far beyond the. trappings of wealth. Instead, help them find their self-worth from within.
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