When Love makes you lose your mind
Words: Zukiswa Dlamini. Article from August 2015 issue of Bona Magazine.
When you’re madly in love and things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to resort to behaviour that surprises even you. Four women share their embarrassing stories.
If you’ve ever lost your cool at a lover, you’ll know that things can sometimes escalate to levels that are unnecessary. We find out what some women did when love pushed them over the edge.
Office Baby
My husband and I had a hard time adjusting when we had our first child. He wanted to continue living like a guy with no responsibilities, and I would often be stuck at home with the baby. One Monday after he had been partying all weekend and I was at home, exhausted, I decided that I needed a break.
I packed a bag for the baby and drove to his office. I went to his desk, which is in an open plan office, and put the baby and bag there. He was in complete shock, trying to ask me what is happening. I told him in front of everyone that I was tired of feeling like a single mother and that I needed a day off, so the baby was his problem.
I think everyone who saw it was shocked; and he was embarrassed because I was exposing that he wasn’t the doting father he pretended to be. That incident caused a huge issue for us, but I don’t regret doing it. He now knows that I will go to extremes when he doesn’t hear me. Seven years later, he is a great dad who is very involved in our kids’ lives. I think my tantrum helped.
The lesson for me was to always stand up for myself, even if it makes me look crazy. Palesa Khambi – Kempton Park
Braai extinguisher
My ex-boyfriend and I used to live together, and he enjoyed having people over. One Saturday, after a particularly difficult week for us, I came home to find the house full of men drinking beer and braaing meat. All I wanted was silence and to spend some quality time with my man, but clearly his friends were more of a priority for him. I tried to keep calm, but as I sat in the bedroom they were laughing and having a good time, and it made me feel like a fool. Something in me snapped and I poured a bucket full of water over their braaing meat. Everyone went silent and within minutes our house had cleared out.
It wasn’t my proudest moment because I completely lost my temper in front of his friends. Whaf that incident taught me was not to keep my feelings bottled up. Your man does not know what you are thinking, so speak up and tell him what you are feeling before you explode. Zanele Bhengu – Pietermaritzburg
Mistress Madness
A few years ago, I had an affair with a married man. I really believed that we had something special, even though everyone warned me that it was a bad idea. After being together for over two years, it started to bother me that he clearly wasn’t going to leave his wife. I started “stalking” her on Facebook to see what her life was like; this is something that I hadn’t cared about before. All her posts looked exciting and she seemed happy with her husband, my boyfriend.
I was infuriated by her happiness, even though she wasn’t doing anything wrong. I became obsessed with her and eventually called her, telling her about my affair with her husband. She asked for us to meet at a hotel. When I got there, she and her sister beat me up. She said I didn’t know my place and that nothing would ever end her marriage, especially not a stupid woman like me. I was embarrassed that I was beaten up in a hotel room by a woman I had no business knowing in the first place. I couldn’t even open an assault case. To add to my misery, my boyfriend dumped me and told me to never bother his “queen” again.
I learnt that day to expect more for myself; I should have never been with a married man to begin with. I still have trust issues to this day, but now I know to stay away from married men. Anonymous
Straight to the Dumpster
I once dated a man who cheated on me on a number of occasions. I always thought he would grow out of it, but it was making me feel bad about myself. One long weekend, he disappeared on a Friday and was still not back by Sunday; I knew that I could no longer spend my life waiting for him. On the Sunday, I packed all his clothes neatly and piled them outside. I was hoping he would get the message to not bother coming into the house. By the time he got home later that night, the security guard had helped themselves to some of his things; and when he started shouting at me, they helped get him out of the house.
He left with pretty much nothing, and I was happy that he would have to start from scratch because I too had to do the same to mend my broken heart.
The lesson here is to never waste time on someone who clearly does not care about you. Someone can say they love you; but their actions will always tell you the truth. Dimakatso Tema – Soweto
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