Get the EQ-advantage
Words: Andrea Kellerman, Sport and Educational Psychologist. Article from DO IT NOW Online Magazine.
Health | Fitness
Contributor: Hannele Steyn
Imagine what life would be like if you had the emotional intelligence to choose your reactions, stay perfectly calm in any situation, know exactly what you want, achieve every goal you set and feel good mentally and physically? Wonderful, I am sure.
What is emotional intelligence?
EQ, our emotional quotient, is another way of saying ‘human effectiveness’ and it is important because it sets the stage for our ability to succeed in life.
The field of EQ has had a profound impact on the way we think about success. It is easier for people to assume that one’s success in life is related to one’s IQ – smarter individuals are bound to triumph over those less intelligent. However, this is not so! It is possible for a person with an average IQ to be more successful than an IQ genius, but only if the person in question has the higher level of emotional intelligence (EQ). IQ will get you through schools and colleges, but emotional intelligence gets you through life.
The following components are part of a good EQ:
1. Intrapersonal skills – Skills that enable you to improve your emotional awareness, self-esteem, decision making, self-belief and confidence levels.
2. Interpersonal skills – Skills that enable you to develop good relationships with others, improve communication, empathy, setting of boundaries and awareness of others’ emotions.
3. Adaptability – Skills that enables you to adapt easily and quickly to change.
4. Stress management – Here, it is important to learn relaxation and breathing skills, find out what triggers stress and how to cope with it, and to be mindful to avoid negative situations and people, if possible.
Various studies have shown that a high level of emotional intelligence helps us to achieve and maintain our goals more effectively. Research on managers and staff in big companies, who were tested on their IQ and EQ levels, showed that some of the successful managers had lower IQs than their staff, but far higher EQs. This shows that EQ is more important than IQ when working with other people.
So my question to you is, “Is your EQ up to scratch?” If not, here are a few ways to develop a more mature EQ.
We all come across difficult situations that cause discomfort, stress, sadness and unhappiness. People with a high EQ are able to handle conflicts better than people who have poor intra- and interpersonal skills. To notice emotion while it is happening, you must pay attention to the following:
• Senses. Emotions are expressed physically and reflected in your body and posture. Certain behaviours, such as clenched fists or gritted teeth, are good signals that one is probably angry.
• Thoughts and beliefs. Emotions are expressed as thoughts. It is normal for certain thought patterns to only be present when you are upset. Your learning to notice that those emotion-linked thoughts are present in your mind becomes a clue that you are upset. For example, many people say to themselves, “Things will never ever get better, ever again!” when upset, but do not say the opposite to themselves when they are feeling ok.
• Your actions. Emotions change your behaviours. Learn to recognise the way you act while upset. Noticing that you are suddenly raising your voice or starting to speak over other people might be clues that you are upset.
• Your triggers. Triggers are situations, people, places, feelings, thoughts or objects that get you thinking or feeling something you would not otherwise have thought or felt. Triggers can start negative emotions, which can lead to you becoming upset without your conscious awareness. Identify your triggers by watching for the things that set you off, and then writing them down.
• Your positives. Always identify your positives, strong characteristics, and focus on them.
Practicing these exercises and succeeding with them will make you feel good about yourself. It is by these actions you have practiced that you will develop a better EQ to handle difficult life circumstances and be the best person you can possibly be in the real world.
EQ for underprivileged children
The generation that is most criminally active in South Africa is between 12-19 years old. Therefore, by helping children to become more emotionally mature, we are helping to change our society by decreasing violence and crime.
We at EQ Advantedge have founded a NPO, the EQ Charitable Trust that helps underprivileged children to learn important and life-changing EQ skills. It is our mission to reach primary and high school children to allow them to be aware of their emotions and control them, manage their anger, learn skills to manage anxiety, depression and stress and make better decisions.
If you would like to get involved or receive more information on EQ, visit:
www.eq-advantedge.co.za or www.eqtrust.org.za