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Love & Lust - Secrets to surviving a long-distance relationship.
In a “Drew and Justin” situation? You can make your relationship go the distance if you are both prepared?
According to relationship psychologist John Aiken, who is also the author of Accidentally Single (Accidentallysingle.com), you should never wait until you’re waving goodbye to your partner at the airport to have a talk about whether you’re both okay with a long-distance relationship.
“Couples need to discuss it as soon as the prospect comes up and really gauge each other’s expectations of how often they’ll see each other and how often they’ll communicate,” he says.
Finding out later that one of you is more committed than the other will just cause unnecessary heartache.
Yes, the whole distance thing is going to make sex difficult (read: physically impossible), but technology has made interacting with your partner a little easier. Phone sex, flirty SMSes and web chat can all be used to achieve the intimacy you’re both craving. MTV’s The City star Whitney Port, who lives in New York, swears by Skype to keep tabs on her LA-based boyfriend, Ben Nemtin. “We Skype and SMS all the time,” she told a UK magazine. “It’s a really great way to keep things going.”
You haven’t spoken to your man for a few days and the last SMS he sent you said something about going out on the town with his new colleagues and he didn’t sign off with “miss you”. Instead of freaking out and sending him drunken, abusive messages the next time you’re out with the girls, deal with the issue right there and then. It’s natural for a temporary separation to unleash your insecurities and it’s best to ask him directly if you’re unsure where you stand.
Try to factor in some face-to-face time to avoid long-distance relationship fatigue. Although the first thing you’ll want to do when you finally see him is tear off his clothes and head to the bedroom, Aiken says this is the worst approach. “When you’ve been apart, it takes time to build up intimacy again. So go for a walk or have coffee together and make sure you catch up on everything that’s been happening in your lives before you head to the sack.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity and chocolate, focus on the positives of the situation. Without your man around, you’ll be forced to extend your social network and will have more time to strengthen your existing friendships. Plus, you’ll have no opposition when you decide to watch Dear John for the fifth time.
This article was taken from the Cleo, January 2011 issue. Text by Edwina Carr, Photography courtesy of Nu-Metro
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