Throw out the dating rule book, you don’t need it anymore
For decades now, there has been ample content created around dating.
The internet and bookstores alike abound with content on the topic.
Any adult with a dating story, horrific or fairytale in nature, will happily share their experience with you.
And probably because they know that you want to know about it.
Because dating can feel like one of the most difficult things to get right in this life. It shouldn’t be, but in this modern world of ours, finding a mate or lover is not easy. So, when someone has a dating disaster to share, we’re thrilled and comforted that it’s not us, dating is just hard. And when the story has a magical ending, we’re intrigued because we are given hope.
If you don’t jump in you’ll never know what’s out there
The only way to really get dating right is to go out and do it. It’s about jumping in the deep end with both feet. And, yes, that’s extremely scary. Not everyone feels capable of surviving the fallout of a bad date. But, we need to question, how bad can it really be? Putting dangerous situations and individuals aside, the worst that’ll come out of a bad date is awkwardness. And, if the dynamic becomes truly awkward you don’t have to stay. Dating should not be about sticking through interactions with people you don’t necessarily want to be around. You can give anyone you find mildly attractive a chance but if it was a wrong move you’re allowed to discontinue the date or communication. You see, there aren’t any rules around dating anymore. The majority of people don’t enjoy the game playing and strategising. And just about anyone you speak with will tell you they appreciate a straight shooter.
Traditions flew out the window a while ago, no matter what your mom says
Most millennials, and especially aging millennials, have been brought up with traditional romance ideals but live in a world where those no longer exist. So therein lies a major problem. Traditional romantic ideals don’t have an answer to the questions: “When is it appropriate to send him a friend request on Facebook?” or “Can I tweet at him?”. Also, this modern world is fast-moving and many young adults, who would 10 or 20 years ago have spent their time looking for a mate, are now more focused on their careers. The marrying age has increased and there’s no such thing as being “left on the shelf” anymore. Many people are only finding real romance and love at around 40. Our priorities have clearly changed and we put career and money in first place, with romance coming in second. Trying to apply old school values and chivalrous traditions to relationships formed between two mature adults – who don’t identify with labels of any sort (yes including gender) and who operate as equals – is futile.
So, dating “rules” for modern adults are really more suggestions about better human interaction
Basically be a good person. Be kind to people. Whether those people are ones you’re dating, your friends, your boss or the beggar on the street. Young adults nowadays are more focused on letting people be what they need to be. You do you, boo. Modern millennials want to be left to be who they want to be and do what they want to do whether they’re in a relationship or single. Exclusivity is no longer a given in romantic relationships and achieving exclusivity has become “the next step” between couples dating rather than an obvious progression. Once again, this underpins that the values of those seeking out romantic interactions are based in open communication, total freedom of choice and transparency.
So, how do you do it?
Well, you have to have few expectations. You also have to be a little selfish. And you need to realise that sex and romance are separate things. They no longer go hand in hand. In fact, sex is likely to happen way before exclusivity or any talk of romance. Dating in the traditional sense is more of a hanging out scenario where you’re having drinks or coffee and there may even be friends included. So, depending on what you value, you can find yourself in many different relationships, none of which are romantic but some may be sexual and all will be friendly. And in that pool, you’ll hopefully find your mate, but only if that’s what you want.
The genders don’t really need each other anymore so dating has become a choice
Men and women don’t need each other anymore for life’s basic needs. All the big things in life that we attribute to marriage and family can be found and enjoyed alone. We don’t need each other for procreation or for financial purposes and there’s little expectation of being married and “spoken for” (ugh) at a certain age. We don’t even need each other for sex. High-quality online sex shops can be found all over the internet. Premium sex toys have hit the marketplace and owning one or a couple, whether you’re a man or woman, is completely acceptable. These sex toys come pretty close to the real deal too. So, if you just don’t have enough to give to a relationship right now, you can still have all your needs met without seeking out a partner.
Is it sad? By comparison to the romance of yesteryear, yes, perhaps. But it’s also relieving and people everywhere are learning more and more to simply be themselves and are embracing that.