3 things to consider before moving in with your bestie
Your best friend is one of your favourite people.
If asked what you love about them you’d likely be able to rattle off a whole list of their personal characteristics that are simply the best.
But knowing your bestie’s heart and soul is different to knowing your bestie’s daily life routines.
Do you know how untidy they are? How are their personal hygiene standards?
Do you know how they keep their living space?
You might love your bestie for their wicked sense of humour, ability to listen to your problems for hours, and the fact that they were there when you needed someone and no one else bothered. But these things don’t negate the fact that living with them could turn into your own personal hell.
Moving in with your best friend is truly a risk. You stand to lose an incredible friendship if you end up incompatible roommates. So you need to think long and hard about your living standards and ask them to think about theirs. This decision needs to be made with absolute honesty and transparency. And consider what you know about them and where they’ve lived before. If your bestie has a history of fighting with their roommates then be aware. Because while those stories were hilarious fodder that you belly-laughed about, it won’t be so funny or such juicy gossip when you’re actually involved.
This is not going to be one big sleepover fest. Spending time with you bestie is currently an event which you’ve designated time to. You’ll bring your game face to an evening or afternoon with your best friend because you know the time together will bring you joy. But when you live together you will be face-to-face on the battlefield of daily life. And your relationship could feel the pressure of this. So here are three things to consider before you and the bestie shack up together.
Does your daily routine match at all?
Do you have similar schedules? Your schedules don’t have to match entirely, they can be out by a couple of hours even. But if you’re up early five days a week to hit your nine hours in the office and your bestie is working nights as a waitress or bartender, you might hit some issues. You will be ships passing in the night most days of the week. This could be beneficial in that you’ll have your own space often, but your sleep could be disrupted by them returning home early hours of the morning. You will also likely find it quite difficult to get any chores done together and flatmate meetings will happen sporadically.
All of this can end up infuriating especially if your ideas of cleanliness are different. Perhaps they leave their shoes in the lounge, leave the dishes to pile up and don’t clean the bath after they’ve used it. But if they’re not there for you to discuss things with, you can end up in a seriously passive aggressive relationship. You don’t want a house full of sticky notes with aggressive one-liners on them.
What’s your food story?
You know what can drive people apart? Stealing each other’s food and not replacing it. And, yes, it is stealing and the only way to make it not a case of theft is to ask first and replace immediately. However, this entire situation should be avoided at all costs to keep the peace. You and your bestie might have different palettes or you might have identical tastes in foods. Either way, it is best to simply stay away from each other’s forage. If you do happen to devour something in a fit of hunger then make sure you replace within less than 24 hours.
Make sure you two decide what you’re going to do about communal items such as milk, tomato sauce, bread, toilet paper, and so on. Perhaps you’ll alternate months of buying the essentials or you’ll decide you buy only what you need and keep everything separate. Whatever you do decide, make sure there are clear rules and boundaries in place. Split up shelves in the fridge and pantry and stick to the rules.
What are you going to do about communal furniture items or appliances?
When you move in with anyone you will be sharing a lounge, kitchen, and bathroom. These communal areas will be filled with big, costly items that require care. But not everyone has the same idea about how to care for things. Your bestie won’t value your grandma’s armchair the way you will. You will need to tell them to value it and insist on what you require from them if it’s going to be used in the communal area. Similarly, if you want to store your beautiful Kenwood mixer in the kitchen then you should expect it to be used. But you’re allowed to stipulate your rules around the use of it. However, don’t be petty. You can’t scream and shout about a bathroom set you bought being ruined. It’s one of those things that won’t last forever so you need to let it go. And if you provided the bathroom set which has now seen better days, then ask the bestie to invest in the new one that’s needed.
Of course, you’ll need to sit down and discuss really important things such as bills and significant (or insignificant) others spending the night or three. So in the midst of all of these difficult conversations include the three points above.